


Poisonous

by bangableniall



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, It's kinda sad, M/M, Oops, Sub Louis, but larry, but whatcha gonna do, idk what to tag, probs really shitty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-27
Updated: 2014-11-27
Packaged: 2018-02-27 04:07:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2678417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bangableniall/pseuds/bangableniall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hello there. You are Harry Styles’ girl. His “one and only”. You were the one he decided he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. </p>
<p>A couple of months ago, you were diagnosed with a life threatening disease that was unknown, thus being too late to find a cure. </p>
<p>Sadly, you passed away last month. Harry literally hasn’t been the same since. He started drinking, using drugs, and is now in an abusive state. He does all this to take his mind off of you, and the idea you once were. </p>
<p>Nobody was really ever there for him; someone to comfort him during his loss was all that he needed. He was too abusive and careless that nobody really wanted to approach him. That was until Louis Tomlinson and Emma Smith came into the picture. </p>
<p>Will Harry be the better man he once was? Or will this anger and guilt haunt at his soul forever until he can’t deal with it anymore? </p>
<p>But really, will Harry ever get over the tragic ending that was the cease of your existence?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Please enjoy.

“Hello, Nicole.” The doctor approached her in a soft, calm way. “Your test results have returned…” he frowned. It was immediately obvious that he was extremely hesitant to tell Nicole her actual results.

However, by the doctor’s body language, Nicole knew exactly what he wasn’t sharing – but she wanted to hear it anyway. It can’t be real unless you’ve heard it, right? She blinked, tears that had previously been swelling in her eyes, now rolling down her cheek rather quietly. Nicole gave an encouraging “go on”, avoiding his gaze.

The doctor took a deep breath, finding the words to address such a delicate topic. “Nicole, you have been diagnosed with the ‘unknown’ disease. We are not sure –“

Nicole just stared at him blankly, “Unknown disease?” she repeated sharply.

 “Yes, ‘unknown’ disease. We call it this because we only know so little as there has only been one other patient in our records which has been diagnosed.” He had taken up the habit of talking to her in a matter-of-factly voice, rather than the soft approachable and kind voice he usually held. “And all we know is that there is no approximate time of how long you have to live.”

“No approxim-” Nicole’s voice was raising, the less this hospital knew about this disease, only made her angrier and even more upset. How long to live? Nicole only came to the doctors for a local check-up; her and her partner were trying for a baby and she wanted to be completely healthy for conception.

“Please, keep your voice down,” he exhaled softly, apologetically.

“I could die right here, right now?” she questioned, and a soft nod of the head was a reply. Nicole gasped for breath, this couldn’t actually be happening, could it?

“But you cannot really. See, your body will slowly start to degrade, everything will start shutting down. And then, that’s it.” He spoke as if reading a book, like it wasn’t just someone’s life that was going to be ending in this unknown amount of time.

“So it’s going to be slow and painful… And I don’t even know when this is going to happen… And I don’t even know what it is that’s killing me?” Nicole took a seat back down, the tears now gushing down her face as she put all the pieces together to this cruel life that she had been playing. She buried her face in her hands, letting the tears run freely.

“It was an abnormality in your genes, there is nothing we can do about it… because we know so little. But we are doing everything we possibly can at this present time to find a possible cure. Except I don’t think one would be established in your life time.” He took in her appearance, and whispered a soft “is there someone I could call? A parent? Siblings? Partner?”

 

Nicole nodded slightly, “Harry Styles.” she whispered, passing the doctor her unlocked phone to call her boyfriend.

******

Within a quick 30 minutes or so, Harry was by her side, holding her close to his chest as she cried. A deep, however rather soft, “It’ll be okay” releasing from his lips every so often.

“Harry… Harry…”

“It’s okay, babe. I know, I know.” He stroked her back with his fingertips, slowly and occasionally leaving small circles. It was a comfort mechanism he had always been accompanied with. Apparently it made the girls go crazy. But alongside this, he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want Nicole to repeat what the doctor had told him before he walked in; saying it aloud only made it even more surreal.

 “T-They don’t e-even know how l-long,” she stuttered, taking a deep breath in order to calm herself down. Nicole hadn’t stopped crying; all this information being thrown at her all at once was so overwhelming.

“I know, babe.” Harry grabbed Nicole softly by her upper arms, attempting to make her look at him. He looked her dead in the eye, his eyes glistening with tears, worry and shock, before he continued. “Nicole, baby…” He exhaled deeply, tears finally beginning to roll down his cheek, “I promise I’ll make this the best time ever.” Harry held her close, his arms wrapped around her little body.

At the sound of Harry’s voice, Nicole just couldn’t hold it together; she broke down crying once again, and buried her face in the crook of his warm neck, to muffle her tears.

 

***

 

Sadly, Nicole passed away a month later. Her body completely shut down, one organ at a time, until her heart just froze. She was lying next to Harry, her one and only. He kept up to her promise – spending the unknown remaining time with each other. She was smiling, watching her baby.

About 20 minutes before her passing, she looked Harry dead in the eye, and whispered, tears falling down her face. “Harry.. I-I want you to find someone – find someone special… move on.”

Harry refused, fighting her, saying she was literally the only one for him; nobody could ever compete with her. He didn’t know what else to say, he didn’t want to move on. He sat there, holding her hands and shaking, only repeating the simple, but meaningful phrase of ‘ _I love you_ ’.

As Nicole’s fingers became weaker, unable to hold a firm grip, Harry couldn’t fight the tears back much longer. He knew it was coming, the ending of their relationship – the ending of her life. He held her hand up to his face, kissing at her fingers and knuckles, attempting to keep all body warmth. But sooner than he had hoped, her body just stopped. Her hands were heavy, lifeless.

At that point, Harry just couldn’t keep it together. He didn’t know what else to do, what else to say. He just sat there, continuing to kiss at the girl’s dead fingers. She couldn’t actually be gone, just like that, can she? It must be a joke. A sick joke, because it definitely wasn’t funny.

His eyes were red, puffy and sore. He hadn’t stopped rubbing them for days, and he hadn’t gotten nearly as much sleep as needed. He had been anticipating this moment since her body started aching, preparing himself for this moment. But it hurt far more than he had originally thought.

The brown curls that sat on the top of his head were scruffy and wild, his fingers being run through them to cool himself down was to blame. Honestly, Harry looked like crap, and he felt like that too. His entire life lay on that hospital bed, looking peacefully deceased – as if she was just in a deep sleep that she would soon wake up from. Yet Harry knew better. She wasn’t ever going to wake up, she was actually gone.

Harry didn’t budge from that hospital bed-side for what seemed like hours, he refused. He was sure she was going to wake up, well, he wasn’t – but oh how he wanted her to. His fingers were sore, biting at them was practically the only way he managed to not throw a chair through a window due to pure remorse, and his feelings just building up into sweet anger.

The funeral was where Harry completely lost it. He got up for his eulogy, ready to make his speech to all of Nicole’s friends and family. However, just as he started, he stopped. His mind was racking through all the joyful memories the two had together; the fact that he was about to propose, just before she was diagnosed; that last month they had together; and most importantly, those last days where they sat hand in hand for the entire time. At this moment, he couldn’t help it. His eyes immediately swelled up with tears and he didn’t even bother trying to hide them. Harry let them flow freely, and he had never given himself the break. He would always dwell on the memories for life without Nicole was completely miserable.

*******

Up until today, Harry never brought himself around to talk to anyone. He had taken up the hobbies of early morning drinking, drugs, and occasional boxing. Whenever he got those gloves on, anger was fuming from his skin – it was his way of forgetting about his life with Nicole, the better man he was when Nicole was a part of it.

Everyone was honestly too scared to even approach Harry; he was reckless, rude, and unkind. Whenever someone had previously attempted to help the boy out of this poisonous mess he had buried himself into, he would just scream, taking all of his anger and distraught out on them.

It had been a couple months, but he was still not over Nicole’s death. She was his special someone, and this disease that nobody even knew about stole her away.

Harry lay sprawled out on the couch, drinking. He had a bottle of beer held tightly in his hands, with several different other alcohol brands surrounding him. He was drowsy and must’ve been coming down from another high, because he looked absolutely terrible. His hair was no longer curly; it looked as if it had been going white with misery and now resembled a mop. His eyes were red, and the patches under his eyes were dark. Harry smelt like rotten alcohol, and stale piss. His face was pale, none of that usual glow that was obvious whenever he was around Nicole, and those pink lips that made everyone smile were replaced by a dull orangey colour.

There was a knock on his door, and he was stirred awake. He looked at the clock, 6:15pm, which had no meaning whatsoever, because it stopped working a couple of weeks ago. Harry attempted to stand up, his legs almost giving way below him. He prodded over to the brown apartment door, almost tripping over the carpet and his own feet as he did. Harry placed his hand on the cold, silver handle, before twisting it open.              

He was greeted by a deep grunt, and a sympathetically dull, “You look like shit, man… oh, and you smell like it too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to like do the comment thing, and yeah. I hope you like it.


	2. Guilty Pleasures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry: I had a bit of an accident. My pants… I think I may have glued them on last night.  
> Louis: No fucking wonder. Your jeans look like they’re just painted on majority of the time.
> 
> ....
> 
> Harry: I want you to touch me. Make me feel good

“Ah, you look like shit… and you smell like it too,” came a muffled male voice from the other side of the door frame. He eyed Harry’s wrecked appearance carefully, mentally noting down how drunk he actually was. “So, are you going to let me in, Styles? Or am I going to have to keep standing here like a lost puppy?”

Harry slurred a quick, “hey” and forced a small chuckle at the boys’ comment. This would be something he would have normally laughed at. But now, it was just a stupid thing that meant nothing. Louis and Harry had been friends for what seemed like years. How the two boys met was quite a story to tell. Actually, before they officially met, they were always in the same place in multiple occasions. Except in two different crowds, two completely different friendship groups.

Officially, they met at in Nicole’s apartment’s toilet urinary. Louis peed on Harry, and they just seemed to hit it off right there. Strange encounter, strange way to start off a friendship. But it only went up from there. Their first words to each other were “oops” and “hi”. In this blossoming friendship, they had gotten wrecked with each other, and on this one occasion, they decided to go to a tattoo parlour where they got these words tattooed.  

It had seemed that Louis was the only one who would look after Harry this past month; for what reason was completely oblivious to Harry, he wouldn’t even want to spend time with himself at the moment. But nonetheless, Louis stayed. If it wasn’t for Louis, Harry would have been surviving on bourbon and other liquids. Not that he wasn’t. But Louis was there to feed Harry, make sure Harry showered and dressed. And now, it was one of those times.

After opening the door for Louis, Harry immediately returned back to the couch, again almost tripping over himself. But before Harry could actually sit down, Louis pulled him back up by his arm and pushed him. “Don’t be a lazy fuck, Harold. I’m not fighting you again. You’ve left your house a complete mess. The least you could do was go for a shower and clean yourself up. I’m fucking serious now.”

Louis was pretty. Fierce, and pretty. If Harry still hadn’t been in mourning, he would have totally seen that for himself.  Not saying he hadn’t noticed, because he sure had. Especially when he was drunk, which was basically all the time anyway. But whenever he thought about moving on, Nicole and his last sort of argument would come into his mind: Nicole telling him to move on. _Nicole_.

Harry groaned, however did as he was told and went for a shower. He went to the bathroom, turned the water on and began to undress himself. Harry had almost managed to do this all without a slight mishap. _Almost_. Just as he was about to take off his pants, he tumbled over and fell onto the toilet seat with a thud. Luckily, however, he kept the toilet seat down. Sort of like a memorabilia for Nicole, and how she’d always be pestering him to keep the seat down. Otherwise, that would have been a completely sad story.

Meanwhile, Louis had been cleaning up the empty bottles of alcohol, quickly filling up a bin he had been carrying around the small apartment room.  At the sound of the thud, Louis groaned. However, he had the obligation to see if Harry was alright. It seemed like Louis had a lot of obligations now; Harry had become completely dependent on him. So Louis put the bin down and rushed into the bathroom to find the completely disorderly Harry, beginning to fall asleep on the toilet.

“Harry fucking Styles.”

At the sound of his name, Harry stirred awake, raising an eyebrow. His lips curled up at a weird angle for a second. “I had a bit of an accident. My pants… I think I may have glued them on last night.”

“No fucking wonder. Your jeans look like they’re just painted on majority of the time.”

This caused Harry to laugh. Louis did have that effect on Harry. “Help me get them off?”

Louis groaned once more, but again obliged to the command. He was sort of like a lost puppy. But he would do anything for Harry, especially at this time.  He bent down and shook his head up at Harry, as he slowly began pulling off Harry’s pants. Any other time and it would have been okay, but under these circumstances it was just completely awkward for Louis. Eventually he got them off, leaving them in a stack on the floor alongside his shirt. “Can I let you take off your underwear by yourself, Harry? Or do you need help with that too?” His tone was awfully sarcastic, and even to Harry’s drunken self, he knew it was something that he ought to do himself. Even though he didn’t want to.

“No. I think I need help with that too. And getting into the shower. I feel sick, Louis.”

Louis shook his head. It’s not like it was the first time he had done this for Harry. He did it last week and the last time he came around, which was probably two days ago now. However, he again did as he was asked. Louis made Harry stand up, hold onto the basin for balance, and rolled down his underwear. It was like Harry was a three year old. A very tall, stale smelling three year old.

“You could basically give me a blow job right now. I wouldn’t object.” Harry declared.

Louis couldn’t help himself but laugh at this ridiculous declaration. “I’m not giving you a blow job.” However, as he stood up, he let his hand trail against Harry’s naked thigh, lightly skimming across his length. It was a secret pleasure. Not really secret. But it was something for himself.

This caused Harry to completely shudder, just the smallest touch left his body numb. He missed being touched. “Shower with me then?” Harry was having trouble keeping his eyes open, his body was swaying back and forth.

Louis looked Harry in the eye and let himself smile. Before Louis had time to answer, however, Harry had already let go of the basin and was taking off Louis’ shirt, and unbuckling Louis’ belt, holding onto Louis’ waist for balance. Not long after, Louis was completely undressed and he and Harry’s body’s where filling up the already small shower cube.

Harry smiled at Louis, rinsing his face with the water and running his hand through his dishevelled hair. As he let the water wash himself down, he never took his eyes off of Louis, and never stopped smiling. This had to seriously be the first time Louis had seen Harry smiling this long in months.

And then he pressed himself up against Louis, pressing Louis’ back to the shower glass. “I want you to touch me. Make me feel good.” Harry whispered into Louis’ ear. He did as he was told. Louis stretched his hand out to Harry’s dick, his fingers clutching around his length. He was hesitant at first; Louis didn’t want to seem like he was taking advantage of Harry’s drunken state. But it seemed like Harry wanted it too.

With his fingers wrapped around Harry, he pressed his palm against him and began pumping slowly and softly at first. After a moment or so, Harry’s hips bucked into Louis’ hand, begging for more. And so Louis’ sped up his speed and rhythm.

“Oh god yes.” Harry murmured, thrusting his hips with the rhythm of Louis’ hand, and tipping his head back.

He pressed his body closer, up against Louis’. The warmth of the water was still pelting down on Harry’s back, his insides too were warming up. Alongside Louis’ hand pumping, Louis had taken the opportunity of their body’s coming closer to kiss at the side of Harry’s neck, and collar bones. His lips and tongue travelled against the warm skin and water from the crook of the neck, stopping at certain times, such as the place under Harry’s ear lobe, to kiss at repeatedly. Louis knew, or was greatly under the impression, that this is where Harry’s weak spot was. And that was made completely clear when Harry’s body shuddered, his hips bucked once more, and another moan was released.

Harry straightened the top half of his body up, to stop Louis from doing that again. Oh god, Harry was so close. He pressed his lips forcefully to Louis’, where the two embraced a kiss. The kiss surprised Louis and his hand stopped from pumping around Harry’s pulsing length. It was only clear to Louis, however, that he had stopped when Harry broke the passionate kiss which they shared.

With his lips still glued to Louis’, Harry huffed “I’m so close.”

And Louis groaned as a reply, running his thumb over the tip of Harry’s head a couple of times. Harry moaned against Louis’ lips, the vibration sending shudders through Louis’ body.

“Oh god. This feels so good, Nicole.” And Harry resorted to kissing Louis once more.

In this moment, Louis’ body completely dropped. His stomach clenched and tightened and it felt like it was doing backflips inside of him. Harry kissing him wasn’t even helping anything at all. It just wasn’t right. He turned his head, to stop Harry from doing anything and lightly pushed Harry away, so their bodies were no longer touching. The touching of the two males bodies was only clouding Louis’ judgement.

He wanted Harry. But Harry wanted Nicole. _Nicole_. _Not Louis_.

“I’m done, Harry. It’s over.”

Harry stood there in complete disbelief, unsure of what it was that had ruined the mood. “What?”

“Just shower. It’s over. I’m sorry.” Louis had become completely distraught. His body had filled with guilt. Guilty pleasures. Harry Styles was Louis’ guilty pleasure. He felt like he had taken advantage of Harry’s state, and he knew it was absolutely wrong to still be feeling like he wanted Harry inside of him. Louis shook the thought from his head and hopped out of the shower. He felt naked – well, he was naked, but not in that sense. He looked around for the towel and eventually wrapped it around his waist, without drying himself off.

“Louis… you have no need to be sorry.”

It was as if Harry hadn’t been in the same room as what had just happened. This only made Louis feel worse.

“Shower, Harry. Get some clothes on to sleep in.” And Louis took his clothes, leaving the bathroom. He got dressed in the other room before sliding down against the wall next to the bathroom to wait for Harry. He buried his head in his hands. Holy fuck, what has he just done?

Shortly after, Harry returned from the bathroom fully dressed. And it didn’t seem like he was drunk and disorderly at all, at this moment. However, as soon as he walked through the bathroom door, he stumbled over himself and Louis had to guiltily walk Harry to his bedroom where he tucked him in.

Once Harry was tucked into bed, his eyes beginning to close, he murmured a soft “Louis. I’m sorry.”

“Rest, and don’t drink. You’re meeting someone tomorrow; a friend of mine. I’ll come by tomorrow.”

And with that final word of peace, Louis shook his head a final time, leaving Harry’s apartment for the night. Now, the only thing that Louis could possibly wish for was that Harry was too drunk to remember what had happened the previous day.


End file.
